BEGO Funny Status Messages

   You can't see your next if you're too busy looking at your Ex.

   During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles. Who the f$ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?

   Spent 45 mins having a stare off with this arrogant prick two tables down at Lunch. Then he got up and grabbed his blind person cane. S$it.

   Growing up I always dreamed of being slimed on Nickelodeon.

   I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."

   Seeing a loser from your high school w/ a good job is like graffiti on a highway bridge... how the Hell did that get there?

   Carry yourself like a queen and you will attract a king! Carry yourself like a hoe, and see how far you will go.

   Oh you got "Swag"? I bet that looks great on your application to McDonald's.

   You know you had a good night when you wake up with one less friend and one new useless Ebay purchase.

   When I text you a massive paragraph and you reply 40 minutes later with 'K' Fu$k you

   Sometimes The Best Things In Life Are Worth Waiting For.. So Wait For Me I Will Be Right Back...

   hey... I just met you, and this is crazy, but please shut the f$ck up.

   it considered drinking alone if you're on Facebook?

   I was the kid that would restart the video game whenever I knew I was going to lose.

   The biggest lie I tell myself: I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it.

   Did we give a Nobel Prize to the guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon?

   When the zombie apocalypse happens, gamers will survive. It will be up to the dorks to reproduce... they will finally get laid!

   Don't be sad because someone gave up on you. Feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would never give up on them.

   Oh, you're engaged and in high school? I'm sure your marriage will last forever.

   I want to quit drinking, but my momma didn't raise a quitter!