santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   The night before the kids go back to school is the grown ups version of Christmas Eve.

   There is nothing stopping a condom company from saying they are the only condoms worn by Santa Claus

   Lady stabbed a guy singing Christmas Songs at the Mall. I bailed her out.

   Like people who leave their Christmas decorations up all year I left my Halloween decorations up and saved a lot of work thanks to the spiders!

   Can we celebrate Thanksgiving this year and be thankful for all we have before we start thinking about all the cheap Chinese made plastic junk we don't need for Christmas?

   The last time I bought a Christmas tree the sales person said “are you going to put that up yourself?” I thought, that is strange. No, I’m just gonna put it up in the living room

   The neighbors are already putting up their Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving who have obviously been shopping in Walmart.

   Santa is jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

   One Christmas eve, Santa was under a lot of stress. When an angel walk in with a tree and ask what he should do with the tree was how the tradition got started.

   A Citizen's Arrest for the next person who asks me if I'm ready for Christmas.

   And suddenly the neighbors who left their Christmas lights up all year seem like geniuses.

   [a cat sitting in the sleigh impassively knocking presents out into the Pacific Ocean] Rudolph: Santa Claws, NO

   The holidays are always tough on me.... One year for Christmas , I made a gingerbread house that wasn't up to code & it collapsed on a tiny, little gingerbread family. Still haunts me.

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party

   I'm 45 and I would still be tickled pink to wake up Christmas morning to a Barbie Dream House with accessories.

   I don’t know who’s worse, the people who sign their cats’ names on Christmas cards, or the cats who refuse to sign.

   You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas tree by the lines of duct tape around the box it's stored in.

   Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.

   HOW TO WRAP PRESENTS: - Ask somebody else to wrap presents

   Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is to know what rhymes with "Hug me" Love, Robin Thicke