SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Facebook's just not as fulfilling as it never was.

   It would be cool if getting Lou Gehrig's disease meant you became amazing at baseball.

   there an instrument called the didgeridon't? Because there should be.

   The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.

   Don't you think it's time we start referring to flat screen TVs, simply as TVs?

   “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” are the same letter, but with a different angle.

   Don't underestimate me, That's my family's job.

   If your parents are cannibals, the "got your nose" game is deadly serious.

   The coolest suicide would be to moisturize and not stop moisturizing until you become a tiny pond that fish and turtles live in

   I need a new belt but hate shopping. Time to become a boxer.

   Judging by how The Hulk speaks, he reacted badly to grammar rays as well.

   If Moses were alive now I'd like to think G0d would be cool enough to give the 10 Commandments on a convenient flash drive.

   I wish when people called me, instead of getting my voicemail, they got diarrhea.

   I think I have become addicted to interventions. Good luck with that one, friends and family!

   I bet guys named Matt who take yoga classes get picked on a lot.

   I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.

   Facebook has become the girlfriend you no longer like but are scared to dump because you've invested so much time in the relationship.

   If there wasn't such thing as a last minute I'd never get anything done.

   The world would be a much cleaner place if we just gave blind people brooms instead of canes.

   Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not crap your pants.