bego Funny Status Messages

   Things you should never do after a breakup: 1. Listen to love songs. 2. Read old messages 3. Read their statuses, tweets or updates.

   How do homeless people always seem to get the shopping cart that has all four good wheels?

   To those girls on "My Super Sweet 16" that get pissed when daddy buys them the wrong colour Mercedes. SHUT UP! I ride a bike!

   Welcome to Facebook, where relationships are perfect, liars believe their own lies & the world shows off they are living a great life.

   BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them. 

   Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.

   Pretending to read your birthday card after the money has fallen out...

   I'd like a $5 dollar footlong"....."That'll be 7.05"....."Bi$ch what??

   I'm not saying blondes are dumb, but I just saw one snorting Sweet & Low because she thought it was Diet Coke.

   The longer I sit in a drive-thru, the more pennies I pay with.

   My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, I cry.

   You're at starbucks? Please post pictures of your coffee, I've never seen one before.

   Guys: Wow, her status is dumb. but she's cute, so I'm going to like it.

   Hitting your hip on a corner and feeling like you've been shot. 

   It's Friday night... So many innocent beers have no idea what's coming for 'em.

   I think cops should yell "PICKACHUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" before they taze someone

   Absence makes the heart grow fonder...but Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger.

   Kanye West should open a breakfast restaurant called "Omelette You Finish"

   Penguins mate once and stay together for life. All those failed relationships you had? Penguins are kicking your ass.

   Nothing makes you look younger than an old photo.