santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   christmas has been cancelled this year due to santa being fired for inappropriate behavior by asking a girl if she had been naughty or nice...

   Breaking news: Santa Claus accused of sexual harassment for having girls sit on his lap and asking if they are naughty.

   "Santa, have you been working out? It sure shows. By the way, I love the new work flow plan you've established for the elves. Very efficient!" - Rudolph the Brown Nose Reindeer

   By useing earbuds it gave me alot of practice to un-tangling a string of Christmas lights

   Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better

   Xmas idea: let your child watch Chucky, then explain Elf on the Shelf

   Once again this year, Family planning experts are now recommending giving men vasectomy gift cards for the holidays. Talk about taking the jingle out of the bells.

   We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch

   If one of Santa Claus's helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?

   Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it's voice activated. I'm at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number

   Getting Christmas gifts for my kids gets harder as they get older, mostly because I can't remember where I hid them.

   A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop

   A Christmas Carol is the heartwarming tale of how rich people must be supernaturally terrorized into sharing.

   The best part of paying $49 for this new toy for my son's Christmas present is knowing how happy some other kid will be in 3 months when we donate it to a thrift store

   I decided to use Craigslist to do all my Christmas shopping. Look's like everyone's getting used couches this year.

   I don't care what we have for Christmas dinner as long as it's lasagna.

   its christmas time. lets see some funnies and not democratic bull

   Want to see somethine scary? When your house is full of teenagers for the holidays, unplug your wi-fi.

   I asked Santa for Hillary Clinton for Christmas, but he said “No, You’ll Shoot Her Eye Out!”

   I assume nowadays the Christmas family portrait theme involves four people staring into their electronic devices next to the Christmas tree...