moon Funny Status Messages

   I just got gas for $1.99! And no it wasn't at Taco Bell.

   I think those status updates that's say copy and paste this status so I'll know who's reading my status are stupid. Copy and paste this status if you agree.

   I decided not to host the Oscars this year and see they couldn't find anyone to replace me.

   Taking things to the thrift store. But first I have to drive around with it in the back of my car for the next 3 months.

   Happy Valintimes, as I love you more then I can express on a website sent by means of a plastic artificial intelligence device <3

   Chalkboards are a remarkable invention.

   What came first the chicken or the egg all depends on whether or not I'm having breakfast or dinner.

   The scariest words a man can ever hear from a woman are "Notice anything different?"

   I'm going to get married on February 29th so I only have to remember our anniversary once every 4 years.

   I like using my speakerphone but hate how it literally spells everything I say exclamation point period

   It's raining it's pouring and.......I never claimed to be a poet.

   If the world was flat like some people say my girlfriend's cat would have pushed me off the edge years ago.

   One good thing about daylight savings time is the clock in my car is finally correct!

   One day we'll all be just a memory in people's lives, the trick is to make sure you do everything humanly possible to be a good memory. By, The cashier at Chipotle

   Everyone sing along! Don't stand.... don't stand.... don't stand so close to me...

   Funny how by doing the responsible thing by staying home the more homeless you look.

   And suddenly people don't wonder any more if your living life to the fullest or have completely given up when you walk into the supermarket wearing pajamas.

   I just burnt 330 calories in about 30 minutes. And thats the last time I look at facebook with a pizza in the oven!

   Who remembers when "Never before my coffee" used to be called social distancing?

   Maybe my New Year's resolution to hang out with more than three of my Facebook friends in 2020 was asking for too much?