jdpower Funny Status Messages

   Vegan hipsters wear ironic milk mustaches.

   In new tape, Bin Laden 'furious' that Brian Wilson has scarier beard.....

   We may be falling behind China in some ways, but our underground drug tunnels are second to none. USA!!

   So we just spent $4 billion on an election about "too much spending?"

   Russians have grossly misunderstood roulette. Someone needs to tell them it's gambling on numbers, not maybe killing yourself.

   In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man doesn't have to worry about people staring at his patch.

   We need to talk, shuffle.. One Hall & Oates song is a great idea - but two in a row is completely unacceptable.

   Fox News reports that Obama visits Indonesia, one of several foreign countries where he was born.

   New study shows that too much Facebook leads to alcohol/drug abuse, which leads to neglecting one's imaginary sheep.

   I had to use my AK this afternoon.. Still, it was a good day, as I only used it to scratch my back.

   These E*Trade babies probably annoy everyone in the bar when they play Golden Tee.

   I wanted to buy a keepsake to remind me of the great food this Thanksgiving, but I think this new chin will suffice.

   In retrospect, everything is foreshadowing.

   If I joined Earth, Wind & Fire, I think the element I'd want to be is Surprise.

   I hate when people put words in my mouth.. with the possible exceptions of “waffle” or “sandwich.”

   I never did use my illusion. Is it too late?

   I'm thinking about buying an invisible box that they trap mimes in.

   Car dealerships greatly over-estimate the allure of tents.

   A new study says humans are psychic, and I'm living proof of it. For example, I can clearly foresee a future where this study is debunked.

   I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.