Markf Funny Status Messages

   One of the great things about having kids is that you can check your pulse using the veins on the side of your head

   Actually I don't think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.

   I have learned to protect myself against identity theft by keeping a low credit score and no money.

   Laugh now, but one day you will be so mad when another car cuts you off and you shake your fist out the window at some robot driver

   We need a montage of dads trying to order for the whole family in drive-thrus

   Almond milk? I didn't even know almonds had nipples.