Cj Funny Status Messages

   So here's the deal... If I wanna hear about god or religion I'll go to church... So, if I delete you... You know why, Just a heads up....

   I hate the smell of Walmart when I walk in. It smells like old beer and subway. Merry Christmas everyone!

   You people that are all cleaned up with the tree out of the house need to stop showing off. The rest of us are drowning in cardboard boxes and pine needles.

   Just because I liked your status, doesn't mean I actually read it. More to make you feel like someone actually cares about what you have to say.

   Dear Yellow Pages delivery guy, Could you please just deliver those to my recycle bin......it'll save me a step.

   Toy Story must have been written by a woman. Who else would name their toys Woody and Buzz!!

   Rhinos are really just old, fat unicorns. Don't argue. you know i'm right.

   I lost a friend overnight, It was very sudden. There must be a reason, but I can't for the life of me think what it might be. Now they're gone. Yesterday I had 583 friends, now only 582 I hope everyone reads this far before they say "sorry for your loss"

   I want to learn the Vietnamese language so I can sit here and understand the ladies doing pedicures. Between their tone and their giggles, I know they're talking Sh*t!!

   Condoms Prevent Minivans!!

   The apple only falls where you leave it !

   Your face isn't a coloring book. Chill on the makeup!!

   You never realize what you have until it's gone...toilet paper is a prime example!

   You can't judge a book by it's cover...but you can judge milk by it's smell.

   I hate it when you look in a car window to fix ur hair.. after standing there for 5 minutes... you see someone in the car...

   Why is it that melted cheese tastes like a zillion times better than regular cheese?

   I hate when crumbs fall down your cleavage.....sometimes I think my boobs eat more than I do

   You should get out of any relationship where you secretly hope the other person is kidnapped and held for a ransom you can't pay.

   My karma punch card is going to be full after today:)

   Based on my wardrobe, dog hair is my favorite color:)