SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I believe in love. I also believe in Superman and The Force.

   Super-Sorry to the family I choked out at the laundromat this a.m. I thought you all stole my beige sock. Just found it in car!

   I'm starting to feel bullied by all the anti-bullying commercials.

   You have to be one thing or the other because if you're always about to be something then you're nothing.

   At 24 Hour Fitness. Trying to get them to stay open an extra hour so I can really take things to the next level.

   Guys, if I'm singing a show tune with my pants around my ankles, that means I'm occupying at least three urinals, okay? Don't be creepy!

   With "Slim T's" t-shirts Man has finally perfected the Wifebeater-girdle.

   Male excuses: 1. I forgot 2. I didn't know 3. I wasn't sure 4. What?

   I don't get why everyone told me how great it is to swim with dolphins. I've been stuck in this tuna net for five days.

   I always eat at McDonald's when they do the Monopoly pieces. 1 in 4 wins obesity.

   If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.

   We hate what we do not understand. I'm not really sure what that phrase means, but it's stupid!

   We've got way too many pointless idioms but at the end of the day it is what it is & it's all good.

   All I did was walk by an Abercrombie and Fitch and now my name is Trent, my shirt is off, and I'm really into shell necklaces.

   I perfected the art of swilling so that nobody could say I have a drinking problem.

   Watching these people in this commercial, rock climb, scuba dive & live life to the fullest, kind of makes me wish I had genital herpes.

   Just adjusted my life insurance policy to include the purchase of a hologram of myself that will blend into the crowd at my funeral.

   "Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist." And they say romance is dead

   My tweets are only motivational if your motive is to become an a$$hole.

   I just had to think to remember how to write a capital "P", so if anyone needs a tutor for their kid or anything, hit me up.