BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Dear Jesus, I can afford wine. How about you start turning water into gas?

   When I have money, I have nothing to buy. When I don't have money, I want everything.

   Irony: People complaining on Facebook one day about their problems and the next day telling people to mind their own business.

   Dear Facebook friend that posts inspirational quotes, your inspirational quotes have inspired me to unfriend you!

   Some of my "friends" on Facebook need to be reminded that high school is over.

   You don't need a $500 camera to take a photo of the bathroom mirror.

   Every girl has 3 personalities: 1) When she's with her family. 2) When she's with her friends. 3) When she's with HIM.

   Your duty as a best friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck

   The less you give a f$ck, the happier you will be.

   Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of s$it.

   Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor because I own Band-aids.

   I believe in Karma, Mainly because I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .

   I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.

   Buying water at baseball games is ridiculous! $5 for water?!?! If I wanted to pay $5 for water, I would buy Miller Lite.

   Its funny how some people can talk crap behind your back and then act like they got your back when they see you.

   Being a virgin these days is something to be proud of; you're like a unicorn.

   Harry Potter brand condoms: Protect your Slytherin from Hogwarts while you're in her chamber of secrets.

   The worst = telling an awesome story and realizing halfway through that you should not be telling it to that person.

   Rock bottom = Putting saved Taco Bell hot sauce packets on food that is not from Taco Bell.

   Why do the people that should never reproduce have the most kids?!?!