Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   in the mood to watch some Disney movies!

   Justin Bieber and former American Idol winners are all pitching in to help out with Middle Tennessee flood relief. They are being stuffed into burlap sacks and thrown against the floodwaters.

   it's friday the 13th and storming. Not gonna lie, I'm half expecting Jason to come knocking on my door...

   JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater is NOT NEWS!!! WTF

   JetBlue guy wants his job back. Dude, you can't go up that slide.

   Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to

   This girl rang me up one time, she says "come over, nobody is home", I went over, no one was home!

   Happy+Friday=much fun......

   all these pokes I'm getting am I supposed to sound like the pillsbury doughboy

   Facebook your always asking whats on my mind...But what I really want to know is whats on your mind?

   I am used but in good condition

   BREAKING NEWS: Myspace is dead!

   Saw some guy walking in the field behind the house last night wearing an old hockey mask and carrying a machete. He wandered into the woods. Hope he found his way home. Poor fella.

   dear local weatherman if its 92° and feels like 102° then guess what dumbass? its 102°

   "Real men actually spend time away from their computers." Yeah... that's because they're avoiding you.

   thinks, nobody has interest in knowing what brand you wearing in.. so guys PULL YOUR PANTS UP !!!

   Uh oh...just saw the little devil from my left shoulder drop kick the little angel off my right shoulder a minute ago...this can't be good.

   A man walked into a library and asked for a book on suicide. The librarian said, "F* off, you won't bring it back!"

   wants to be in a relationship with Captain Morgan and live on Parrot Bay

   Firefights recently rescued 2 men from an industrial clothes dryer. The men were listed in stable condition but missing one sock.