SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   You haven't truly won an argument until the other person says "whatever."

   Going on a walk. Like some kind of freakin' car-less hippie moron.

   I think it'd be cool if they put up a statue of me in a park where I'm shirtless and carving a statue of myself.

   Went on a scavenger hunt. Bagged six scavengers.

   It's very hard to read someone's body language when they are running away from you.

   What's up with helmet babies? Let your kid have a funny shaped head. God loves all His children, even the pear-headed ones.

   In my hay day all I did was sneeze.

   Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.

   You can tell a lot about a new neighbor by how they react when they find you hiding under their bed.

   "A car with a spoiler is approaching." - Spoiler Alert

   "You must be out yo damn mind" = your behavior is very unorthodox and very contradictory towards my wishes

   When I die, I want my ashes scattered in front of the TV.

   I just had a nowhere near death experience. It was completely life continuing.

   Sometimes when I'm sad I cry into my Brita filter. Turning each teardrop into an uplifting refreshing beverage.

   Just once I'd like to be able to say that my sound is laid down by the Underground and really mean it. Do you ever get that way?

   I love Scrooge McDuck for his personality, not his wealth.

   I fear your addiction to attention and instant gratification is distracting you from the praise-worthy stuff I'm doing.

   If I ever meet David Blaine, I will just kick him in the nuts and then scream "Ta-daaah!"

   I can't trust anyone who wears a trench coat ever since McGruff the Crime Dog flashed me outside of a Miller's Outpost when I was nine :(

   A bird just got trapped in our wind chimes and made the next Bon Iver record.