Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm kind of regretting my "Myspace Rules!" tattoo on my calf.

   A bill collector called and said, "Your bill is now a year old". I said, "Tell it happy birthday" and hung up.

   your body is made up of 70% water, Not coke

   Today I sent out a text saying, "Hey, I lost my phone. Will you call it?" 12 people called me... I need smarter friends.

   I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

   When your advertisement interrupts my video, it makes me really hate your product.

   They say money talks. Mine just waves goodbye.

   My wife asked me to pick up "chips and salsa" on the way home from work, then abruptly hung up. I think she's still mad that she let me name the twins.

   There are now people who believe in the flat earth theory all around the world.

   I'm in favor of a law that requires all telemarketers to wear a shock collar that can be activated by pressing the pound key (#).