Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be really confused by a push/pull door.

   I'm going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837

   I went to my psychiatrist today. She told me I had a split personality and charged me $360. I gave her $180 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.

   WebMD needs to add the question “Have you eaten Taco Bell today?” when asking about stomach-related symptoms

   Welcome incognito GaryKoenig.

   BREAKING: Canada to remove tariffs, if the United States agrees to do the same. Would you look at that… 🤣

   The USA holds the cards, Canucksters.

   Remember when we woke up in the morning and the economy was stable, we didn’t deport the wrong people and the world respected us? Yeah, I miss those days too.

   Today is Liberation Day! Also known as the largest tax and inflation hike for working class families in history.

   BREAKING: Canada to back off on tariff threat if United States backs off on theirs. As once again, the United States backs off again. Gutless pussies.

   Uh, Canada made the offer, you ignorant dolt.

   In ancient civilizations, marriage was often seen as a contractual agreement between families, with the bride sometimes considered property. It's kinda the same nowadays except when it ends, the groom loses his property.

   Cory Booker, Wow, 25 hrs no food, you’re up there with Gandhi

   You know who sukks? The Allman Brothers.

   I'm so embarrassed to be a US citizen now.

   The USA is embarrassed that you're a citizen.

   "90% of Japanese cars are made in Japan." Before being called back to from the stage after forgetting to actually sign the document. Donald Tr🤡mp (Stable Genius) April 2nd, 2025

   "90% of Japanese cars are made in Japan." Before being called back to the stage after forgetting to actually sign the document. Donald Tr🤡mp (Stable Genius) April 2nd, 2025

   If tariffs are so bad, why does the rest of the world impose them on the U.S.?

   "We will sign a new trade agreement with the European Union and work to further diversify our trade to other ex-U.S. Partners." Mexico President Claudia Sheinbaum. Atta girl 🇲🇽