Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Patrick on Facebook is complaining about how he hates the word "moist." He thinks it's "so gross." I'm willing to bet that Patrick also doesn't like pu$$y and is still a virgin.

   My love life is so boring that Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore are going to make a movie about it.

   I'm just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I'm unlucky enough to be a part of

   He's street smart. Sesame Street smart.

   My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he's all wagging his tail, but I know he's not listening. I get it ladies

   What's up with these people in Pakistan getting stoned to death? What kind of weed are they growing there?

   Don't forget to support your local liquor store today!

   If by eating pizza, tacos and waffles in a single sitting then yes I've had a threesome before.

   At the end of the new Adam Sandler movie they don't roll the credits they roll the blames.

   Lady, Have you tried texting him 22 more times?

   You had me at the correct use of 'their'.

   I know what you did 23 summers ago - Women

   Excuse me sir; you left your weird Jesus pamphlet on your bus seat. Oh yeah? Well here's a revelation for you: that's called littering.

   If you can moonwalk out of a police station without bumping into anything they have to drop all charges.

   I hate the fact I can't slam the door on my cubicle.

   What you call a "morning wood" I call "breakfast in bed"

   Let's be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.

   I like you, but not 'get dressed and leave the house to see you', like you.

   I didn't have enough closet space so I bought a treadmill.

   Don't worry, I got your back. And your ass. And a little in your hair too.