Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My wife told me that women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and be quiet. Well, guess what? She couldn't do either.

   I pay attention to who reacts on my posts, because as soon as I get rich I'm buying you all tacos.

   The Olympics should have a separate boxing event for transgenders. They can hop in the ring and trade "blows."

   Who's the faigg with no life?

   Who's the 👎 kweer?

   My boss asked me to start off the meeting with a joke. So I passed around my pay stub.

   Wondering if life is easier when you're totally insane? I'm about halfway there and I want to know if I need to speed up or slow the hell down!

   I showed my Facebook page to my psychiatrist and she wants to talk to all of you.

   If you leave a dream catcher in the rain, does it become a wet dream catcher?

   Remember: When something goes wrong in the circus, they send in the clowns to distract the audience. Well, something has gone very wrong with this circus, and the clowns are everywhere.

   Mike Hunt is hairy

   Mike Hunt is itchy

   Mike Hunt is wet

   Mike Hunt is sweaty

   Mike Hunt is bald

   Mike Hunt is hot

   Mike Hunt smells like fish

   Mike Hunt has crabs

   Mike Hunt is juicy

   Mike Hunt is tight