Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6330 of 6410

I bought a new stick of deodorant last night. The instructions said to remove the cap and push up bottom. I may be walking funny now, but my farts make the room smell baby powder fresh.
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03-08-2023 15:47 by JJ
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well done to all the women on international women’s day, great bunch of lads
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03-09-2023 08:30
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Women’s day is just a made up holiday to get us to buy more women
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03-09-2023 09:39
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I can’t sleep and just wanna eat all night. I think I have insom-nom-nom-nomnia.
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03-10-2023 04:06
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i like butts
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03-10-2023 12:36
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FRIEND: Why do you spend so much time on Facebook? ME: I have serious digestive issues. I spend a lot of time on the toilet.
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03-10-2023 14:22 by Gil
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Rent prices have got people staying in relationships that ended years ago
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03-10-2023 15:48
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When the mechanic said I 'blew a seal', I was afraid he referring about that summer I worked at Sea World but it turns out it's some car thing. 🤭
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03-10-2023 18:41 by SAM
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So I got an special announcement to share with you all. I am running for president!!! Like we can't screw up this country enough. #gary2024

I used to grow weed on Farmville and sell it on Mafia Wars. Good Times!
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03-12-2023 16:08
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Ran into a guy at a bar who said he was a huge rock star back in the '80s I didn't believe but he was adamant.
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03-13-2023 10:37
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I can’t believe it’s already bank collapse season… I still have my train derailment decorations up.
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03-14-2023 05:48
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Who is the genius who decided to call them Dentures and not Substitooths?
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03-14-2023 07:59
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Hears an idea, Instead of phasing out fossil fuels, let's phase out the fossils in Congress.
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03-14-2023 07:59
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The alarm clock has the best job in the world. It wakes up, sends everyone to work, and goes back to sleep.
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03-14-2023 08:12
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I don’t trust banks anymore. I’m taking all my money out. I can’t trust them with all $23.56.
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03-14-2023 08:44
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So I was in the pool and a woman walked by and said, "I see you like playing with things that are round and buoyant." I said, "Not necessarily, I couldn't find a float." She said, "I was talking to the beach ball."
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03-15-2023 11:50 by MickF.
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Did you know? Every letter “C” in the words “Pacific Ocean” is pronounced differently.
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03-16-2023 10:21 by AKWolf
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Transgender children are like vegetarian cats. You know darn well it's the adult who's making the decision.
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03-16-2023 20:00
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Every day is St. Patrick's Day when you're a drunk who likes to pinch people.