Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6318 of 6409

Can’t believe there was a time someone had to make me take a nap.
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01-13-2023 05:12
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I need the type of burger that you’d hide from your life insurance company
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01-13-2023 05:12
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Ah yes, well, the laws of quantum mechanics” is what I’m going to start saying, very pretentiously, when someone says something I don’t understand.
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01-13-2023 05:13
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If you think the astronauts on the space station are getting on your nerves, imagine how annoyed they are with each other
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01-13-2023 05:13
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If I hug you for more than 3 seconds, I’m probably picking your pockets.
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01-13-2023 05:14
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The idea of a fight club with rules is ridiculous. My fight club can’t even keep track of the snack chart.
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01-13-2023 05:15
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Why are they called bangs and not a hangover?
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01-13-2023 05:15
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You’ve attempted to log into your online subscription of Psychology Today, please prove you’re not an imposter.
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01-13-2023 05:16
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When I die, I want a crank on the side of my casket that plays the Jack-in-the-Box song just to see who has the guts to crank it.
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01-13-2023 09:46
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How do you politely tell a wannabe model on Instagram she is fat?
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01-14-2023 14:37
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Marriage tip 101: It is very important that your wife understands Commandment Number 1 in regards to marriage: "Thou shalt not nag". As soon as she understands this, she will grow in her duties and responsibilities as a wife.

Will trade toilet paper for eggs.
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01-16-2023 23:00
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I have 2 dozen Large eggs , will trade for a New Snowmobile or Small truck
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01-17-2023 19:02
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Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and eggs that we would throw them at the houses of our enemies.
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01-17-2023 22:17
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Grocery shopping is a constant battle between not buying snacks, so you won’t be tempted and being angry that there’s nothing to eat.
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01-18-2023 01:01
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Has decided to be fully delusional this year and see where that takes me. Because, being sensible hasn’t gleaned the results I’m looking for.
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01-18-2023 01:03
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IKEA needs to provide better descriptions on their furniture like, what is the divorce rate on assembling this 8-drawer dresser.
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01-18-2023 01:05
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The urge to use parenthesis in every sentence (because every thought comes with additional bonus content)
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01-18-2023 01:09
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Fake laughing with customers is actually a skill and we should be allowed to add that to our resumes.
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01-18-2023 01:12
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Start each day with a positive thought like; “in 16 hours, I can go back to bed.”
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01-18-2023 01:15
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