Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ...is about as useful today as an appendix transplant...

   twying to twalk wiff twenty wemon dwops in my mouff

   the monoply guy and the pringles guy look exactly the same have you noticed that?

   Use OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", What does that make the Tennessee Titans?

   wondering why people say HAVE A SAFE FLIGHT like I am the piolet or something.

   567.. 568.. 569.. Can't talk until I finish my pushups 570.. 571..

   'Kidnapping' is such a strong word. I prefer to think of it as 'surprise adoption

   I might not have all the best things in life, but I always make the best of the things I do have.

   All news on Lindsay Lohan a spoiled girl who can't abide by laws. Here are a few worth knowing about: J. Bartett, D. Santos, C. Stanley, J. Reed, M. Johnson, Z. Fisher, B. King, C. Goeke, S. Tate, they gave their lives for you this week, Bless our troops!

   ♥wants you as much as Lady Gaga wants Alejandro!!!!!....Or Fernando!!!!!!......Roberto? ♥Okay maybe this wasnt the best Metaphor but damn its a catchy song

   Has anyone ever noticed how on the facebook homepage before you log in, it looks as if the whole world is connected but Hawaii is not on there? I guess they dont have facebook

   I bet the vampires goes crazy when Bella is ragging....

   I just ate at a restaurant called, "5 guys burgers & fries" the food was great. How come there's only 2 guys working? This is false advertisement...

   if my plunger could talk... i'd offer it a mint

   some people have their baby ruths or their michael jordan or wayne gretzky or dan marinos but my idol is adam from man vs. food.

   i bet you the first club was a barbershop.

   Oppenheimer's famous sentence : That was a big@$$ f*ckin' eXplosion, man !!!

   Mother, I would appreciate it if you didn't use scented laundry detergent, I don't feel like walking around smelling like Fresh Mountain Breeze...

   A woman robbed a McDonalds wearing mens underware on her head. No get-away vehicle was described however there were skid marks.

   Wonders if Prince Albert is aware of the piercing that is named after him?