Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If she starts drawing shapes on your chest after sex, just get up and leave. A very stupid question is coming.

   Octopuses are just wet spiders.

   Had a hen who could count her own eggs, she was a mathmachicken.

   From now on, we’ll be referring to Corona Virus as Kung-Flu or Sweet and Sour Sicken.

   To suppress free speech is a double wrong. It violates the rights of hearer as well as those of the speaker.

   I do not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend until death your right to say it.

   Please keep your dogs and children quiet in the mornings. Some of us have been up all night setting off fireworks. Thank you!

   Shout out to the person Who is the first to say they’re going home and breaks the seal for the rest of the guests to be like “Gyess we will head out also” Jest sayin

   doing strange things in the name of art.

   When there are no police, most crimes will carry the death penalty.

   I hide at work, because a good employee is hard to find.

   Re-reading my own post every time someone likes it. “Ah yes, quality content.”

   When she grabs your booty and whispers, “thick a$$-niggggaa imma get you pregnant.”

   Everything okay, Babe? You’ve barely touched your shrimpizza.

   Aside from “life is short,” what other spurts of insanity do you use before making bad decisions?

   My body just asked for water and I gave it a mini donut because nobody tells me what to do.

   You’ll repeat what you don’t repair.

   No matter how bad your life is, just remember, people out there are worried about the gender of a plastic potato.

   Boogie Boarding: An alternate means of surfing for those unable to hop up on an actual surfboard.

   I took a girl out last night. She said, "Tell me something about you that I don't know, Carl." I said, "I forgot my wallet!"