Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you’re 50+ it’s time to leave them young girls alone and get yourself a woman that recognizes the signs of a stroke.

   Tried to spoon a tall girl once and felt like a backpack.

   We now have reason to believe Biden ripped the tag off his mattress in 1987.

   Might get crazy tonight and go to bed at 10 instead of 9.

   Audit finds half of Joe Biden’s Twitter followers are fake.

   Being sarcastic on a regular basis can add up to three years to your life.

   Corn Pop beat Joe Biden with a chain, c’mon man.

   One of us is right and the other one is you.

   The left in charge of every branch of power and the economy is tanking. Biden, I’d like to take a moment to blame the right.

   If Biden is the answer, how stupid is the question?

   Woman makes misconduct claim against Elon Musk, like clockwork.

   Tesla kicked out of S&P 500’s ESG Index, never saw that coming.

   There is no plan to eliminate student debt. There is a plan to transfer that debt to those that don’t owe it.

   It’s not Musk’s yet: Twitter unveils new censorship tools.

   Disney announces new 2022 LGBTQ+ clothing line for kids.

   Asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

   The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

   A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

   Dear FB Model wannabe. You are hotter than the sun, but let's face it... you're nowhere nearly as bright.

   Women are like dog doo. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.