Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Did you notice that gender reveal parties disappeared? Now we wait and let the kindergarten teachers decide.

   Trump 2023 because it isn't possible either. LOL

   Balloons are sort of nasty when you think about it: "Happy Birthday. Here's a rubber bag of my breath."

   There is a voice that doesn’t use words, listen.

   Girls can’t find their hair ties but can remember what you said 7 months ago at 6:40pm.

   If the weekend goes as planned, it will not include any actual plans.

   Quit looking for a reason to hate me, I’m cool as f.

   You should donate blood, all of it.

   I’m lost, better turn down the radio so I can see better.

   Today is the day, I can feel it. I will catch my tail. ~ Dog

   I love you, but I’ve chosen Rock & Roll.

   I think my neighbor must have hit her toe with a hammer, she’s screaming like that at 2:00am. Lol

   You’re not bipolar, you’re just two stupid bi!ches in one.

   No one deserves people chanting outside their home. No one

   If Batman was real, he’d be the world’s least weird billionaire.

   Male bees die right after mating. So, their whole life is… Honey, Nut, Cheerio.

   I loved being in my 20’s. A whole decade of being in my physical prime and mental rock bottom, what a dynamic.

   Faking my own death and starting over with a new identity to reset my targeted ads algorithm.

   You survived the winter of death. Let’s see how you do in the summer of starvation.

   Gavin Newsome savagely mocked for claiming men can’t get pregnant.