Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Next week has been exhausting.

   Keep your relationship private so you can have two.

   If you’re shorter than 4 foot your pronouns are, eeny-meeny-miny-moe.

   If you’re taller than 6 foot, your pronouns are fi-fi-fo-fum.

   Girls think 50 times before buying lipstick but always choose the wrong guy.

   The next person to walk out of my life I’m going with them. I’m sick of my crap too.

   They should have a restaurant where you can lay down.

   Gas prices keep getting higher, but it still tastes the same.

   Asked the produce guy if I could try a grape. He said he wouldn’t care if I lit the store on fire with him in it.

   If you're going to post before and after pics of your weight loss journey, the least you can do is post the pic of you gaining it all back.

   I may not cast the first stone but I'll sure as hell cast the last one.

   Then Satan spake and said, "He who is full of sin, let him cast the last stone."

   Elon Musk gone git Twitter so we can have are freedom to spread misinformation once again, h'yck, h'yck...

   Why aren't people on the "Truth Social" forum these days??? Are people turned off from the word "Truth"?

   Shoutout to my parents who let me go through my tomboy phase without putting me on puberty blockers.

   At the end of the day we are all human beans and together we will rice. Lettuce pray, ramen.

   If you watch my life backwards, I’m a weight watchers success story.

   Welcome to social media… A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

   Impressing a girl who owns cats on our date by eating so fast I throw up.

   Girls are like strawberries, sometimes they’re at the grocery store.