Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   DC Comics introduced its first-ever transgender character. The character is called "Wonder If It's a Woman."

   My only real goal in life is to fart loud enough to trigger a car alarm.

   My walls are full of cotton candy!

   If you hear a woman scream in the dressing room, it’s because they found my hidden camera.

   Clicked on a strange message and now it burns when I pee.

   If I say I’ll be there in a few minutes, stop calling me every hour.

   Joe looks like Nancy’s vagina.

   Kamala chases more balls than a puppy.

   The best response is always followed by a saucy wink.

   Smell that? Time for Joe’s diaper change.

   Almost forgot the internet has porn.

   What do you say to someone with a black eye? Nothing, they’ve already been told.

   To everyone who wrote "Stay Cool" in my middle school yearbook, I have some devastating news.

   Apparently it is rude to poke someone in the forehead and say "Skip intro" when they start talking to you.

   I can't wait for 'Truth Social' to become bigger than Twitter.

   Sometimes I wish I could be a load of laundry in my dryer so I could sit in a dark quiet place and everyone would ignore me for a week.

   I identify as a threat. My pronouns are Try / Me.

   I strongly believe voting should be free and fair....only if the voters are white, cis, straight, Christian and super-duper ultra right wing.

   My generation grew up looking for frogs and stuff. Your generation grew up looking for a WiFi signal. We are not the same.

   If any Disney execs are reading this, call me. I’ve got an idea for a Star Wars spin off. It’s called Paul Darth, Maul Cop.