Baddie Funny Status Messages

   They're all cop cars when you're this high.

   No, I don't want extra butter on my popcorn. I'm a boring idiot that hates happiness.

   Have a baby hold your cigarette for a minute and everybody loses their sh*t!

   I dreamt I had a sh*tty life. I woke up and I have sh*tty life. So dreams do come true, kids.

   You had me at "there's no security cameras."

   I'd totally marry you, but Walmart doesn't have a ring in your size.

   I just bought a medical alert bracelet. It says "Probably just sh*tfaced"

   Boobs are nature's antidepressants.

   There's this guy at work who's always putting on a sweatshirt. No one's ever seen his face.

   When you think your life couldn't be any more pathetic, remember some people have more than 1 Facebook account.

   My attractive feature is that sometimes I go away.

   My seduction technique is to make things awkward and then not talk to you for a while

   A violent outburst like that can only mean one thing...Jay-Z pushed all the floor buttons at one time.

   White girls with weaves... No. Bad white girl.

   Pro Tip: Don't ask a chick if the Carpet matches the Drapes You sound like a interior decorator & everyone knows Interior decorators are gay

   I'm gonna ignore you like an I.T. guy.

   I don't mean to brag but I own several shirts with Dragons on them.

   "I hate fake people," Danny announced as he pushed the store mannequin over and kicked it in the torso.

   There are 2 types of clowns: registered & unregistered sex offenders

   Brush your teeth before you complain.