SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   "Going commando" can refer to not wearing underpants, rescuing Alyssa Milano from terrorists, or preferably both at once.

   If all this phony enthusiasm persists, there will be severe exclamation point shortages by 2028.

   So "Linsanity" no longer refers to Lindsay Lohan but Jeremy Lin? What if they start dating, what then? The Adventures of LinLin?

   My greatest contribution to most situations is just not making it worse.

   Don't tell me about how you "dressed up" your baby for a special occasion. If you're wearing something you can sh!t in you aren't dressed up.

   Dear cast of The Simpsons, Why is it that the asian characters are white and the white characters are yellow? Sincerely, confused.

   If it wasn't for my incredible willpower, I would be exercising right now.

   I've just been informed by a porn site that "8 hot nymphos in my area are dying to meet me." I'm understandably stoked.

   I'd like to thank my skeletal system for all the support its given me over the years.

   I never understood what liking large asses had to do with being fallacious, but who am I to question the genius of a knighted rapper.

   All old ladies will answer to the name "Bev." Try it out if you don't believe me.

   Thanks to the 96 years of sun bathing grandma doesn't need a leather jacket to ride on the motorcycle with me.

   My room isn't dirty, I just have everything on display like a museum.

   Right about now, Billy Crystal is waking up totally nude in a huge champagne glass somewhere.

   If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved.

   If 40 is the new 20, does that mean 20 is the new 10, and if so, do I need to delete these photos off my phone?

   Made it through the day without smoking any Peeps marshmallow bunnies. Feeling strong.

   In a movie, if there is big fish tank and someone has a gun, you can bet they're gonna shoot that fish tank and it's gonna be great.

   Every time I say "I love you too", I'm thinking about the band so, technically not a lie.

   That which does not kill me has been everything so far.