Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. That way you'll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes.

   When my Droid freezes I instinctively pull the battery out blow on it like a Nintendo game.

   You know that feeling when you arrive at work in the morning excited for the new day, looking forward to new challenges? Me neither.

   FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.

   I like to spend my Monday mornings avoiding people who might ask about my weekend.

   If Facebook shutdown people would be in tears, shoving pictures of themselves in other people's faces yelling "DO YOU LIKE THIS?! DO YOU?!"

   I don't think I should be held responsible for the things I say to fill awkward silences.

   The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that's coming.

   Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(

   My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I'm skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.

   I'll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying. :)

   I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

   The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.

   Would you be freaked out if I told you that I was updating this from inside your closet?

   I've never fully accepted or mastered many of the key elements of being a grown up.

   At this very moment hundreds of men are using the "It's the end of the world tomorrow" pick-up line.

   I still think everyone on the east coast should have played dead just to scare the crap out of everyone on the west coast.

   Kharma, what did I do to deserve this?! ...Oh, now I remember. Carry on then.

   This guy's all like "I think you've had enough beers for one night." Then I'm all "Scrw you, fridge. Appliances can't even talk."

   Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, a lot of which you really don't want to see.