abbybaby34 Funny Status Messages

   I love hearing rumors because they tell me things about myself I didn't know before.

   The amount of sleep required by the average person is just five minutes more...

   Charlie Sheen is Kenny Powers with more money.

   When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country...It's a whole different way of thinking.

   I can no longer "drop it like it's hot", so I "squat like it's warm".

   If you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation...Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.

   Drinking doesn't make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them...

   I'm waiting till the iPad 1,473 comes out because it will fly you to the moon while you surf the internet.

   Drinking doesn't make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them...

   While most people are becoming older and wiser, I'm becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.

   Got pulled over after making a wrong turn at a donut shop... The cop walked up to the window and said, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Without hesitation I responded; "(pointing to the box) Cause you can smell it"

   If I were you, I'd get a red nose and some big shoes and call it a day.

   The way some people find fault, you'd think there was some kind of reward.

   Life's best lessons are learned at the worst times.

   I'd really like to find the person that named the sensitive part of your elbow the "Funny Bone" and punch them in the face. See how funny they think that is.

   The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don't check their phone for 3 hours.

   Blackberries are like girls, they only work when you rub one little button. iPhones are like men. One touch, anywhere and they respond.

   I'm thinking about going out tonight, because the Beastie Boys fought and nearly died for my right to party...

   I've decided to get rid of my bad habits...just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.

   U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one Fish cant Drown.