JAKE Funny Status Messages

   A man's home is his castle. Untill the queen comes home.

   Neighbor are the only one who lissen to both side of an argument.

   Women have better minds then men because the keep changing their minds.

   When we first ment on a blind date my girlfriend wasn't that interested in me. Untill she saw me lick my eyebrows.

   I once was brave enough to shave my privates with a straight razor. But now I don't have the balls to do it again.

   Kids have middle names so they can tell when they're really in trouble.

   A gambling addiction can cost you your marriage or win you a divorce

   If you have a bladder infection, "urine" trouble.

   Read a book on how to have a happy marriage. It stated to treat your wife the way you did while dating her. So after dinner tonight I'll drop her off at her parents house.

   How can you tell if a man is blind at a nudist colony? It's not hard.

   Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right and the other is the husband.

   Have a system for making long distance phone calls. The family and friends plan. I go to a friends house and use their phone to call my family.

   The difference between broccoli and boogers. Kids won't eat broccoli.

   Whife ask what's the thing about a bj. I said the five minutes of silence.

   I don't see anything wrong with a kidnapping. If a kid wants to take a nap, let them.

   While weighting my self on the bathroom scale I sucked in my gut. My wife laugh and said do you think that's help you weigh less ? I said no but it does help me to see how much I weigh.

   People were shocked when they found I wasn't a good electrician. :-)

   Make sure to put the letter "L" in the word clocks when you google grandfather clocks.

   Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.

   How can fish get high? With seaweed.