Heather25 Funny Status Messages

   Well someone has to be sober.......NOT IT!

   I just saw a commercial where every line at Walmart was staffed with a cashier. It's amazing what fantasy you can create on television!

   There comes a time in life when all you can do is just slap the b*tch!

   I'm not feeling myself today....perhaps I should feel somebody else.

   When you are feeling down because everyone is against you just remember that....Nationwide is on your side.

   just wants to be someones "Dirty little secret!"

   When a cop asks you, "Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"

   wondering if Facebook is hiring because I just put in my 40 hrs this week.

   The purpose of fruit flies; to make people look insane, grabbing at the air like they are hallucinating.

   I dare you to walk into the cookie factory and say "Hi I'm here to apply for the fudge packer position".

   So tell me, how DO you keep up with all your lies?

   thinks that if you see someone healthy parking in a handicapped zone, when they exit their car, you should be able to make an honest person out of them!

   who else wakes up in the morning and checks their Facebook like its the morning newspaper??

   Thinks given the choice between Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, I would prefer Parkinson's. I would rather spill a little beer rather than forget where I put it.

   Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" OBVIOUSLY, I thought I was going to get AWAY with it!

   When your ex says: "You'll never find someone like me" you are supposed to turn around and say: "God I sure hope not!!"

   Does not set out to shock or offend anyone, but also does not do anything to prevent it.

   I think I am going to make my own beer. I'll call it Responsibly, that way competitors will do all my advertising. Please drink Responsibly!

   Confucius Say...Women who wear Wonderbra make mountains out of molehills.