Eaglet1122 Funny Status Messages

   The guy with the diesel-powered lawn equipment finished doing what he was doing in the nick of time. I've taken my finger off the trigger....

   What is the weight limit on this roller coaster ??.....Because I am a little over my goal weight right now!!

   Taking my car to get fixed today. I don't need a bunch of little car mouths to feed!

   Charlie Sheen says he's not crazy anymore. The voices in his head told him so.

   Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There is nothing like having a midget for a butler.

   My father was a professional wrestler. He hit us but did not hit us!!

   Ladies......I am rebound material!

   Never knew if my father would hit us or the bottle!

   Town so small get mugged buy people you know!

   Marriage should have an expression date!

   Texting angry....All CAPPS!!

   What's the over under on how many times the Bodyguard is on the next few weeks??

   My mood ring isn't a fashion statement. It is a court order!

   This whole "Cup half empty, Cup half full" argument should state what is IN the cup before people start judging!!

   Don't you hate it when being polite and holding a door open turns into a "clowns in a car trick"?

   Cello Green has T-Rex arms.

   Stevie Wonder's nephew was charged with trying to extort his famous uncle....I guess Stevie never saw that coming!

   "Latin , Latin smooth as satin que hora es it's Latin time!!"

   The older and fatter I get the more my underwear makes me feel like a dolphin trapped in a tuna net.

   Breaking news the 5th Dentist caved and now 5 out 5 recommend trident gum!!!!!!!!