Cj Funny Status Messages

   Some open minds should be closed for repairs.

   At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture in there.

   Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he's being told where to deliver the ransom money.

   Going to Walmart because Target requires a shower.

   Summer is the season when a man thinks he can cook better on an outdoor grill than his wife can on an indoor stove

   Losing friends and alienating people, one day at a time!

   Wow The ones u'd take a bullet for are the ones holding the trigger!!

   When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should've listened the first time

   Have you noticed each generation is getting ruder and shorter?

   The only time I've ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.

   Guess who just discovered the bipolar emoticon? :):

   Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything, and everybody believed in you?

   Laughter burns calories.

   FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent Condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything."

   God must love stupid people. He made so many.

   Do you know why Californians love Thanksgiving Day?...It's the only time of year they get to see natural breast!

   “So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?

   Think about this. Somebody in the world right now couldn't imagine life without you. That alone should give you the strength to smile.

   IHOP is like Walmart but with pancakes.

   Pretending that the laser pointer app on your phone tells you if your kid brushed his teeth good enough..priceless!