The best way to avoid being left with the bill when dining out with friends is by not having any friends. Tune in tomorrow for another secret the Illuminati don't want you to know.
Microsoft Word! I try and move an image 1mm to the left, but all text and images shift, fonts change, four more pages appear...in the distance, sirens.
One time I ran into an old friend and she said "omg you haven't met my baby" and I said "omg I had went to her house with a baby gift and her baby was a damn cat.
Great... I tried to kill a spider with glitter body spray and it didn't work Now I have a spider that won't stop dancing and insists I call her cinnamon