Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   finds it ironic how people 'like' pages that start with "I hate..."

   Whoever started the tradition to wear bright hideous Hawaiian shirts on "casual fridays" needs to be punch in the throat.

   Likes her coffee catffinated

   Apple just introduced the IdoucheBag, to carry your Ipod, Ipad, and Ipone.

   Paul the octupus will be a hero if Spain wins the football worldcup!!!

   the only horoscope you will ever need goes like this: Planets are doing stuff, so it's a good day to do stuff but be prepared in case bad stuff happens.

   you shouldn't listen to other people's foolishness. You should listen to mine.

   Call me Goofy...But I will always call "Margarine" "Butter"!!!

   Mel Gibson beat me up and called me a cracker! Uhg!

   I need a beer! I need another beer. I think I'll have another one. Iguetss jusst on moer. I'lll hav jush one morrrre. Blaaaahhhh.

   This finger is loaded and I know how to use it.

   Dear Captain Crunch. Your little squares are tasty little morsals of joy and happiness. But eating a pile of gravel from my yard would be less painfull. Please work on that.

   I clear sign that the recession isn't over I just drove past a cat holding a homeless sign WTF???

   thinks the city of Cleveland should be more concerned about other things besides losing Lebron James. Things like...uh CRIME!

   anyone else sick and tired of seeing the name LeBron James? I mean crap! Until a few weeks ago I thought he was a rapper. WTF

   changing her/his diaper

   painting her/his skin black and calling her/himself tanisha

   I promise I won't procrastinate anymore....I'll start tomorrow!

   not to be outdone, Brett Favre announced that he will make his decision in an ESPN mini-series

   todays status has been brought to you by the letter "F" and "U" and by the number "69"