Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Just remember that you don't own anything that won't burn.

   If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.

   When I see a drink written “non-alcoholic”, it makes me feel very violent.

   A selfie a day keeps the daddy issues at bay

   I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I'm not a good liar.

   People that think they know you better than you know yourself, is the reason why throat punching was invented

   People who tell you something then they say "nevermind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers.

   I can only take selfies because I'm alonies

   Forget the universe, think of how insignificant you are on Facebook.

   All you need to find true love is a gun, some rope and duct tape.

   It's okay to hate happy people.

   Have you tried checking her purse for your balls?

   Over thinking. Ruining great ideas since women began.

   Nothing saves money like being antisocial.

   Hello 911? Yeah, my wife accidentally fell off a cruise ship 3 months ago

   How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?

   Oh...wow, my wife gives great hand jobs while she's sleeping.

   You had me at, "Why do people keep asking me,what kind meds am I on?"

   I'm not shy. I was just trying to not offend you. But if you insist...

   All of me wants none of you.