life Funny Status Messages

   Newly Married Husband Saved His Wife's Number On Cell As, "MY LIFE"... After 1 Year: "MY WIFE" After 5 Years: "HOME" After 10 Years: "HITLER" & ...After 25TH Anniversary: "Wrong Number"...:D

   Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.

   The worst place to be in the world is that place where you are not exactly sure of where you stand in someone's life and what you mean to them.

   Just once in my life I want to kick someone out of my office by saying "I said good day sir!" I suppose I'd need an office first.

   when life gives me lemons, I forget about them in the crisper until they rot. Same thing with apples, really. Nothing special about you, lemons.

   Games will be played, lies will be told, hearts and promises will be broken, feelings will be hurt, tears will fall, people will change, trust will be betrayed, and rumors will spread. But through it all, life will always go on.

   "I'd like to thank my celebrity life-coaches Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Nicholas Cage, Wesley Snipes, & Nick Nolte for the overwhelming positive effect they've had on my recent life."

   There are 5 things in life you cannot recover: A stone...after it's thrown. A word...after it is said. An occasion...after it's missed. The time...after it's gone. A person...after they die. Life is short. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly.

   Some friends I would trust with my life, others I wouldn't trust with my drink and the rest I would be mad to trust with my girlfriend.

   Sometimes I fear that my entire life is a mockumentary

   There are many paths On the journey through life, I think I might have chose the psychopath....

   Nothing says "I have no life," quite like people who listen to Nascar on the radio.

   How can you just assume that a gallon of whiskey a day has a negative effect on my life?

   My life is like watching The 3 Stooges in spanish

   Twitter account ✔ Facebook ✔ Google Plus ✔ Youtube ✔ Messenger✔ Skype ✔ "Dude do you have a life?" "OMG!! No, send me the link!" :P

   Admit it, atleast once in our life, we all have tried to balance the light switch in between the on and off position

   I'm not the kind of guy who will be an a**hole for no apparent reason. But if you cross me and give me enough reason, I'll make your life a living hell.

   Don't let him ruin your life, he already ruined your mascara

   Completed 19 yrs in this life.,.,., but will always be "18 TILL I DIE"

   Life was so much easier when girls had cooties!