Baddie Funny Status Messages

   You look crazy, here's my ex's number.

   Everything I can't have is overrated... including you.

   Party like your intervention is tomorrow.

   Your hair smells like it wants pulling.

   Some people should not have been given the ability to talk and breathe at the same time.

   Not now, kids. Daddy's arguing with people on the Internet

   This is your captain speaking, we're going to make a slight detour while I search for a Wifi signal

   My morning prayer: Coffee, please gimme the strength I need to do stuff and put up with sh*t"

   Don't forget to provide love and support to someone that has absolutely no interest in you today.

   Jogging, or as I like to call it running from my problems.

   Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,... why don't you ever smile in my pictures?

   I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.

   You have 3 options: (1) Kiss me. (2) I kiss you. (3) Chloroform.

   Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she's still there.

   It's really difficult to take your argument seriously with your extreme use of emoji's.

   I'm going to get drunk white girl annoying tonight.

   Only fools fall in love, so today's the day!

   My April Fools day joke blew up in my face. I threatened divorce. My wife agreed.

   It's like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.

   I'm relationship intolerant.