Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I need to open an Electronics store and call it The Ohm Depot.

   Gold Star Chili ~ The only place where you can ask for a 3 way and not get charged with sexual-harassment.

   I waited too long.. The stores ran out of winter solstice glasses.

   When your Dr. says "I'll need to Google that"..... it's time to change Doctors

   FOX News, because conservative's balls can't lick themselves.

   Has Mexico paid for the wall yet?

   Help control the idiot crisis, get your democrat neutered or spayed.

   75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.

   Algebra is proof that humans create their own problems and then cry.

   Why was the snowman smilimg? Because he saw the snowblower coming his way.

   Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don't think soooo.

   I never judge people by the color of their skin unless they have a spray-on tan.

   One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "OK, send me your mother.

   I started carrying around a gun after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful.

   So when do we start "winning" so much that we "get sick of winning"?

   The name "conservative". What are we actually conserving? Food?

   I kinda skeptical that it's really The Last Jedi.

   You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him freeze it in a large block and then carve a swan out of it.

   it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?

   I wish someone had a beef with me, maybe with BBQ sauce