Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So, did he or did he not call the US justice system a disgrace? I'm so confused.

   For an 84 year old Chuck Grassley sure can exit a room quickly.

   So a team part of a red state wins the World Series? Interesting.

   Every time I try dating I get a new sister.

   The Astros are world series champs. And Dodgers dodge having to go to white house. So who's the real winner.

   If you make eye contact with yourself while brushing your teeth in the mirror you have to swallow.

   Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]

   Harvey Weinstein has invited all the disappointed teenage Dodger fans to his home for jello shots and back rubs.....

   So the Houston Astros beat the Los Angeles Dodgers to win the World Series. Sort of reminds me fondly of last year's presidential election. (Red State beats Blue State).

   A woman started choking in the lineup at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.

   Trump: " I prefer Coca-Cola " MSNBC: " Trump declares war on the whole Pepsi generation "

   Just think, without microwave ovens, we couldn't drink 50 degree hot chocolate from a 500 degree mug!

   My wife just complimented me on my Alligator shoes. Problem is....I'm not wearing any shoes.

   The only true anonymous donor is the guy who knocked up your daughter.

   Just Thinking Again: Children in third world countries are now sporting brand new 2017 world series champion Dodgers apparel.

   The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.

   Choked on my coffee this morning so I guess I'm done for my daily cardio.

   The Gluttony scene from Se7en really isn’t torture if you love spaghetti and want to die.

   Please stop trying to trick me into a conversation

   Over here is just as empty as Ivanka Trump women's empowerment speech in Tokyo.