SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Anyone who thinks Megan Fox is the hottest thing ever has obviously never left Pizza Rolls in too long.

   Saw the pictures of the Hooters girls who were fired due to weight discrimination? Now I'm in the mood for Wings, Muffin Tops & Camel Toes

   Don't bite the hand that feeds. In fact, don't bite anyone's hand you weirdo.

   I need a new assistant for my knife-throwing act. Also need a large rug and a gallon of bleach.

   The handicap parking at the special olympics must be insane

   Groundhog Day is a good time for us to pause & reflect on how much I want Andie MacDowell to sit on my face & wiggle about.

   I would be so much cooler if…ah, who am I kidding?

   Forget dude below me and the damn rodent. I'm predicting winter will last until March 20, 2012, at 1:14 A.M. (EDT)

   I'm finally rich! I have...Silver in my hair, gold in my teeth, crystal in my kidneys, sugar in my blood, lead in my ass, iron in my arteries ans an inexhaustable supply of natural gas!

   If Trump's hair sees its shadow NBC gets 6 more seasons of celebrities pretending to respect him.

   Does it count as naked if you're wearing a hat? I say yes.

   You should never care what other people think of you. Unless you're a dude who wears sandals.

   Human nature is demonstrated perfectly by our eagerness to chant "Air ball!" in unison.

   Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving.

   I'm glad my job isn't standing on the corner, spinning a sign, dressed up like the Statue of Liberty, while drivers make the jerk-off sign

   If you have ever used one of those Hand Dryers in a bathroom, congratulations...you just did a portion of the Macarena.

   I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.

   StubHub should really be a place where single amputees meet.

   Awesome, if you tune in to the NFL Network right now they're showing how Madonna gets hoisted from her formaldehyde jar.

   I haven't showered today and can smell yesterday on me. But I kicked ass yesterday. So I might just ride this smell out.