Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5479 of 6446

It's funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
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04-28-2017 14:27
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Im too honest to live in poverty. I have a job.
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04-28-2017 14:53
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My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.

Your boyfriend/hubby is always beating you up and you say its "Gangster love",no its not,its WWE SMACKDOWN....you dating John Cena!?
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04-29-2017 05:11
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DR. check his vital signs, NURSE: He's got 4G coverage and his battery is at 60%
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04-29-2017 06:52
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Who else has this problem? "I want to start eating my meal, but I can't find the perfect TV show to watch while I eat"
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04-29-2017 06:55
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The number 5 is pronounced "ha" in thai so 555 is slang for "hahaha"
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04-29-2017 06:56
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As a kid getting sent to bed was a punishment, but now leaving my bed feels like a punishment
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04-29-2017 06:56
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My inner self is in Photoshop
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04-29-2017 06:59
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I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
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04-29-2017 07:00
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Trumps latest slogan...Make America Golf Again!
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04-29-2017 12:12
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Fyre Festival Attendee: "I'll have a cheese sandwich." Fyre Festival Host: "Here you go, that'll be $1200.00." FF Attendee: "Hey, still cheaper than a sandwich at the airport."
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04-29-2017 12:47 by Mick
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I just executed a North Korean Squirrel.
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04-29-2017 15:24
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Damn! Trump really hates the LGBT community. I don't remember any president openly come out as a bigot and proud of it.
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04-29-2017 17:33
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Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
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04-29-2017 20:20
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EPA/Science: If we dont do something about Water War, Food War, Ice Age, Acid Rain, Ozone, Over population, Solar Flares, Y2k, Cimate Change/Warming/Weather, we will be dead within 15 years.
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04-29-2017 20:41
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Who remembers when we had a census of a coming ice age, so the government & EPA made all vehicles get catalitic converters that made cars get less milage & use more gas, which made more pollution so we had to stop acid rain,&ozone holes. SCIENCE RULES lol
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04-29-2017 20:47
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New Presidential Executive Order: All DNC Trolls must now only fly United Airlines
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04-29-2017 22:24
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If anybody seen me out last night, it wasn't me...I've been hacked!
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04-30-2017 02:44
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Watching wealthy politicians who live lavish lifestyles talk about "the plight of the poor" leaves one cold.... and angry
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04-30-2017 03:02
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