Funny Status Messages

   "Daddy, can you run for President and get rid of the estate tax so that I inherit an extra billion dollars?"

   If a zoologist studies animals what do you call someone who studies zoos? ZOOLOGIST: if you come down off the giraffe I'll answer your questions

   100 Days in. Only 6.8% of the way to another President! Yay!

   "Wow, Windows Troubleshooter totally solved the problem!" said no one ever.

   At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.

   Here's a list of nine bands Stevie Wonder has seen and One that's fake..see if you can guess. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.Blind Melon 9. 10.

   If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !

   character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you!

   I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together

   My favourite childhood memory is not paying bills

   Not everybody has to like me, I cant force you to have a good taste!

   If you are in a relationship and all you do is cry, you will have to ask yourself,"am I dating a human or an onion?"

   The walls of hospitals have heard more sincere prayers than the walls of masjid,temples and churches.....

   Someone just called me NORMAL......I have never been so insulted in my life....

   When she starts "first of all "in the middle of an argument,just give up, she has won already as she is gonna bring up stuff from 10 years back

   Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!

   Be careful when a guy says "he loves you from the bottom of his heart",this may mean that "there is still enough space for another girl at the top"

   People should only be allowed to take selfies as often as they renew there license.

   Woke up to the sound of gunfire this morning. Luckily, my wife is not a good shot.

   The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.