Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We should build a wall around Trump.

   The Chinese built a wall and no Mexican can be found. See? See? IT WORKS!

   Dear americans: you DO know the rest of the world are laughing at you, don't you?

   I'll bet Rosa Parks could really kick ass at Musical Chairs.

   They say"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" Well I have been alive a long time and had 2 near death experiences and I have not gained an ounce in muscles yet.

   It's protesting when civil rights are violated. Protesting for not getting your way is called whining.

   Went to Walmart and some lady was escorted out of the store as she was complaining that all the bananas were bent...

   I'm so old that I remember when people cared for their country and defended the constitution instead of trashing it and burning it to the ground.

   ... Well, I guess we now know what happens when social media is your only source of thought and conscience devoid of any common sense!

   I went to a karaoke bar last night that refused to play songs from the 70's. At first I was afraid,I was petrified.

   Just found out that my girlfriend is really BAD at cooking .... She just tried to cook something from scratch and ended up summoning a demon.

   So Obama likes surfing. That PROVES he's more in touch with his white side. Blacks are afraid of the water.

   I am constantly putting things where they don’t belong, like the cereal in the fridge or my keys in the laundry or my faith in other people.

   I went to a karaoke bar last night that only played music from the 1970’s. I didn’t want to sing but they handed me the mic. At first I was afraid. I was petrified. And I spent the night thinking how my friends did me wrong but I grew strong and I lea

   How the heck did America go from "E Pluribus Unum" to .... "E Unibus Plurum?"

   There should be a sign at every red light that reads "Selfie Center and Facebook check in area" .... you know, just to make it official.

   If it wasn't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless.

   Hillary lost, get over yourselves....

   Some people say they have a hamster on a wheel in their head. I have 4 squirrels fighting over an acorn.

   I tried killing a spider with a can of cheap hairspray. Now it smokes two packs a day, joined a bowling league, wears blue eye shadow and calls itself Brenda.