Funny Status Messages

   DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets

   Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable

   I reenacted the romantic scene from "Lady and the Tramp", but it wasn't what I expected; my dog ate all the spaghetti.

   If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren't there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?

   Wife : Even if you cheated on me, I wouldn't leave you. Me : Really? Wife : Yes. Why would I reward you for cheating?

   Why does this day just keep repeating itself?

   Dr: So, how did you dislocate your shoulder? Me: I panicked when the blood pressure machine at the store got tigh- I mean football..

   pretty sure my girlfriend got her superpowers from being bit by a radioactive female dog.

   Have you ever wondered if there is such a thing as identical twins in zebras?

   "Dating" is an anachronistic, nebulous means of defining a relationship. All it means is both parties are duping each other into some degree of permanency. Wait...that's marriage. I meant marriage.

   I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.

   Beyonce should really stick it to Trump by going ahead with the abortion

   NEWS FLASH If you bomb your home and kill all the roaches that live there .... in the roach world you are considered a terrorist.

   NEVER EXPECT A WOMAN TO PLAY HER PART, IF YOU STILL HAVE OTHER WOMEN AUDITIONING FOR HER ROLE'

   If your afraid to leave your teenage daughter home with your boyfriend then you may want to rethink ur relationship..

   I don't think allowing the mentally I'll people to obtain guns is making America great. Now I don't feel safe anymore.

   If you think about it, to come clean is not an option. . .

   Beyonce's twins will never have to work a day in their life. She should name one of them Lay-Z.

   YouTube: Domestically educating the public since 2005

   If Pictionary is where you draw pictures then what’s Dictionary.