Funny Status Messages

   Why do motorcyclists point at the road when they pass each other? Is it a reminder?

   So...if all Cinderalla's clothes turned back to rags at midnight, how did that one slipper stay glass? Maybe she should have ripped off all her clothes instead.

   I don't get why all these people are saying "Not My Precedent!" Do they share a shameful past?

   My new phone just autocorrected kindergarten to Kardashian. That my dear people, is exactly what is wrong with this world.

   I'm in a book store and a liberal clerk helped me. I asked for the new Trump book on his immigration policy. She said, "F-you! Get out and stay out! I go, "Yes, that's it, do you have it in paperback?"

   If your phone is autocorrecting kindergarten to Kardashian, the world is not wrong, it's your search habits.

   The drummer for the Allman Brothers band has passed away. That means only three more drummers, four more guitar players, and a doped up keyboard player to go.

   if I had a nickel for everytime someone told me I'm bad at math,id have 47 cents

   What do you get a girl who has everything ? Penicillin

   Mexico is paying for the wall in the form of tarriffs on goods imported from there.

   If I were an actual snowflake, ie the feathery ice crystal with a sixfold symmetry, I'd be highly insulted.

   I lost my virginity when I was 15. It was smokin' hot until I bit her thigh and all the air leaked out.

   It's usually the ones with the dirtiest hands pointing the fingers.

   I think when Trump says Mexico will pay for that wall he doesn't mean the Government but El Chapo's seized 14bn assets from criminal forfeiture.

   It is times like this that make me laugh at people from the south.Hurricanes & tornados, people still go to work, Snow, deserted streets and empty grocery stores.

   Nice try MacDonalds, trying to give away you're secret sauce, I've already have a bottle of thousand island dressing in the refrigerator

   “Catch me outside, how about that?

   If Trump is AIDS in human form, then Obama is the a$$hole he got it from.

   I hope Mexico doesn't raise the cost of Tequila and Produce to pay for this wall.

   I ate so many Mcdonalds breakfast sandwiches this morning I'm turning into a stud McMuffin.