Funny Status Messages
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Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones... Hmmm,, You may NOT want in a phone that sets itself on fire,, to be water resistant guys. 
I miss Rodney Dangerfield.... now there a great comedian.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
Wondering why everyone says "I'm not worried about ME driving in the snow. It's all the idiots out there." At some point, someone has to be that idiot.
Difference between Canadians and Americans Canadians say . How you doing eh ? Americans say . Hey how you doing .
For next season's "Survivor" series, let's get 16 politicians and force them to live on minimum wage.
Q: Why there are bomb blasts in Pakistan?
A: The terrorists have opted to 'work from home' policy.
Taking a bullet for someone is nothing. Take a nuclear warhead to the chest, now that's impressive....
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I'm certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Ever seen a human pyramid? Someone needs to explain to government and CEO's this concept. And about who falls farthest if any level fails...
The biggest growth companies in D. C. right now are Moving Companies.
Internal discussion at Toyota today about which Trump golf tournament they should sponsor this spring.
US auto workers demand to be replaced by American robots, not those damn Mexican el robots.
Verizon guy: Your new phone is water resistant. Me: Oh, good. Cuz I cry a lot.
Dance like your hot cousin is watching.
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians....
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved.
"You're not fat darling, it’s just that you’re… very easy to see."
My wife bought me an adult coloring book. I need a bigger variety of flesh colored crayons
Why don't keyboards have a ".com" key on them now? Come on nerds!
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