santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Sorry I accidentally told your wife about your "secret iphone" at the company Christmas party.

   Skeet shooting will be a popular way to do Christmas shopping once Amazon starts delivering packages with drones.

   The cost of living has gone up so high that the chance of living it up- especially during the holidays- has gone way down.

   I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.

   I see you have all behaved well during this year and for your present, Justin Bieber is going to retire from singing. - Yours Santa

   If you don't think it gets lonely at the North Pole, take into consideration that Santa named one of his reindeer 'Vixen'.

   When the kids are bad this time of year, I tell them I just burned one of their presents. If they're really bad, I say it was the puppy.

   The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for half an hour...

   if anyone is still shopping for Christmas gifts, this week is "procrastinator's week"

   I was going to buy Christmas gifts from my lottery winnings, I was close I had one number, I guess you'll have to wait till next year!

   I was going to buy you a Christmas gift, until I Got High!

   Duck Commander releases new pen*s shape duck call just in time for the holidays.

   I bought a Christmas tree today and the guy asked me 'Will you be putting it up yourself?' I told him, 'No, you sicko, it's going in the living room!'

   All I want for Christmas is you... Just kidding I want Money

   Santa is a Democrat: 1. He sits on his butt all year long. 2. He has other people do all the hard work. 3. He then takes credit for giving away all the free stuff they made.

   Just remember this holiday season, if you say "May you kiss may ass" really fast... it will sound just like "Merry Christmas"!!!

   I don't always cut down a fresh Christmas tree..but when I do, I pick the best one in my neighbors yard.

   Santa is a Republican 1. He sits on his butt all year long. 2. He has other people do all the hard work. 3. He then takes credit for giving away all the free stuff they made.

   Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone's front porch.

   Santa Clause said to support gays. Now what am I gonna do? My two favorite omni-present imaginary dieties are contradicting eachother!