SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I'm feeling lucky to still have enough room in my head for all the things that shouldn't come out of my mouth.

   Dear Google, I successfully received the 5 notifications, 18 emails, and 6 popups about your changed privacy policy. Please send more.

   "We can't see eye to eye all the time." -- Someone who wants to 69

   Once it has been crushed completely, you will find that your spirit is much easier to snort.

   FYI - It's really difficult writing a death threat while you're listening to Journey.

   So far today I have gotten out of bed, washed and dressed myself and left the house. That's it. Must try harder.

   Ben Franklin started 1st Colonial Printing Press using Hemp paper. Not saying he smoked it. Lots of sober guys fly kites in Thunderstorms.

   Advertising has taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.

   I've yet to see a picture of an Occupy Wall Street protest that didn't make me say, "Hey, that's the guy who delivers my pizza."

   Fear? I grew up in a time when the Russians wanted to nuke us and the Stray Cats wanted to rock our towns inside out.

   Renée Zellweger always looks like she's trying to find the image in a magic eye picture.

   Anti-Birth Control Christians should remember that when G0d said 'Be fruitful & multiply' there were only 2 ppl on Earth.

   The next person to cough near me is getting a spork to their eyeball.

   FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers

   I've been a fan of Ron Paul since his voiceover work for Smucker's in the early '80s.

   I like a girl who is not ashamed to have her crotch sniffed by my dog.

   Just imagine how much play Red Box would get if it were pink.

   The death rattle is an unsettling noise. Not "Macy Gray" scary, but still...

   Free range chicken is better. The false illusion of freedom before slaughter makes them extra tender.

   Jimmy cracked cocaine, and suddenly everyone cared.