Funny Status Messages

   12 years of school, 4 years of college; so now I can type "c you @ 2" #reallife

   Went to Starbucks this morning ordered coffee and told them my name was Trump. When my coffee was ready they started yelling my name. 4 out 5 people in the store started crying. It was hilarious....!!!

   They've never overturned the initial electoral vote. It's never been changed. Never. Like Michael Moore's underwear.

   How can you say you like Maroon-5 ??.... Did you even try Maroons' 1 through 4 ??

   Due to political correctness, "rapists" will now be called "unapproved lovers."

   Will Seth Meyers continue to be on television now that the Clinton 2016 team is dissolving?

   Imagine someone trying to assassinate Trump and the secret service having to yell ,Donald Duck

   If at first you don't succeed, parachuting isn't for you

   Sir it would appear that you have sugar poisoning.... "You mean Diabetes?".. Ooh look at me, I'm a patient that knows all the diseases, ooh

   My Bank called because they noticed "Highly Suspicious Activity" on my debit card. It was for a Gym Membership.

   I wish there were no women football announcers. Isn't there a badminton channel they can get a gig with?

   New study finds that everyone you disagree with is are stupid.

   If ignorance is bliss then there's a crap load of people in paradise....

   I'm almost positive that just before I get to Wallys some mental institution drops off its patients to go shopping

   Each mile you run adds 1 minute to your life, so when you're 80 you can spend an extra 6 months in a nursing home at $10,000 per month.

   One of the crappiest jobs in the world has to be a fruit stand vendor in an action movie..

   My morning pooh would be a lot more relaxing if it happened at home or at work instead of on my way to work

   If Batman and Catwoman had a baby, would it be Batcat, or Manwoman?

   My dad's decided to NOT move to Canada,,, He says he's "Angry",,, but not, "Learn the Metric System" angry..

   I'm glad Alfac has a float in the #MacysThanksgivingDayParade... Little kids should always be reminded to buy supplemental health insurance.